Today's Sermon: The Spam Is In The Mail

This week when I opened the Guest Sermon email box I found 6 mortgage applications and about 10 offers to enhance my "male member".. and not just in length but girth! As I deleted them I wondered how many people might actually take out a second mortgage for such enhancements. After all in an abstract sorta way it could be considered a home improvement.
There were other come-ons and offers too. One told me that I pay too much for gas. Another offered to help me lose weight. And a couple were in some bizarre capitalized font or foreign alphabet that made no sense at all.
But there were no sermons. Dammit!
Or were there?
Perhaps this was some kinda challenge of faith. Sorta like Father Guido Sarducci's infamous Find The Pope In The Pizza challenge of some years ago!
So I pulled them all outa the trash.. all 40 of em. Well there's a good start I thought. 40's always seemed like a biblical number. It rained for 40 days & 40 nights. The Israelites wandered the desert for 40 years. Mosses was on the mount for 40 days. And of course my personal favorite.. Ali Baba & the 40 thieves.
But what enlightenment can there be in 40 pieces of spam??
Well.. let's take a look-see.
I pay to much for gas. But we won the war in Iraq. We've freed the oil. Gas in America is probably cheaper than just about anywhere else on earth. I mean.. sure it's not 60 cents a gallon like it was when I was in high school. But then neither are cigarettes. Everything is more expensive but it's a relative thing. So how can we be paying too much? Of course the war did cost a kajillion dollars. And oh yeah… alota lives too. Alota lives! But do they add those into the grand total? And what's the conversion rate? Hmmmm.. maybe we are paying to much for gas after all.
Help me lose weight. Well all Americans (except movie stars and models) are heavy. And not just with flab but with guilt and despair too. We wanna be skinny.. And we gotta be beautiful. OK.. So what combination of pills do I take for that? And what will become of my enhanced "male member" if I do? And ya know.. this mortgage loan request is exactly the same as the horoscope profile I just filled out. And this foreign alphabet thingy just opened
40 windows of porn!
And ya know.. it just dawned on me..
There really was no pope in that pizza.
and the earth is made outa spam.

So go on. Get outa here. I think there's a football game on!


 

the word was delivered at:
¶ 2:13 AM