CHURCH of the NEBULAS SPIRIT
..................................................
Sunday, November 30, 2003
Introduction by: Sister Jomama
This weeks sermon comes from Sister AniD2. Now don't let that "sister" tag fool ya any. Like Mo (from last weeks sermon) Sister AniD2 is here as a sinner. In fact she is our A-#1 sinner! Our sinner winner even! Everything from mass murder (insecticide) to having mean hateful thoughts about her neighbors to inciting riots on other message boards. Now Sister A. is not a bad person. But she is often a mad person.. Mad angry that is. And, also like Mo (from last weeks sermon) Sister AniD2 is penance preaching. Penance preaching is a little scam I recently thought up so I don't have to write a sermon every bloody Sunday! And hey.. who knows we may even salvage a few souls along the way. Speaking of which.. Sister AniD2.. Bring it on!
Today’s Sermon: Stress Relief for the Soul
Or
I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do? -Ronnie Shakes
By Sister AniD2
(representing angry musicians and violent video-gamers everywhere)
I get around a lot here in cyberspace and in my travels I’ve built up my own little philosophy on life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness…or at least the pursuit of less anger and stress, so what would be more fitting coming from me than a little stress relief for the soul?
Wandering around the net I’ve found that there are lots of places to go, but only one place to end up… and that’s here. Call it what you want. Blogville. B-Street. The Third Church. They’re all on the same street, in the same town, in the same city and country… on a totally different planet, thank God. Here in cyberspace there’s a place like this for everyone, if they will take the time to look that is…So what’s this got to do with the soul and relieving stress? Nothing. I’m getting to that…
Now for those that know me you’ll know I’ve got two moods. Seething mad is one, and aggravated is the other. That makes for a lot of stress, but it’s not quite what it seems. I figure that everyone pretty much has the same two moods at varying levels of course. You see, when I say I have two moods I don’t mean that I am never happy or content or any number of other words that describe emotions that the human mind, body and soul feel, I simply mean that there’s always gonna be something out there that is not going to go with what you need or want, what you’re saying or what you’re doing or with anything for that matter. Typically that cause for aggravation is other human beings. Admit it… you know what I’m talking about… even when you’re happy there’s always that little nagging thought at the back of your mind whether it’s “I can’t believe who my governor is” or “I have to go to work tomorrow” or “There are dishes to be done” or any number of other things that are a part of daily life… it’s there, and unfortunately will never go away completely… you’re stuck with it… or are you?
That’s where the stress relief comes in. This is the one place where that aggravation melts away if you’ll let it. The serenity of the pews and the calm of the cyber-choir… even the Cyber-Sunday Mimosa/Pancake Breakfast. It’s like a great big mental stress ball, a little stress relief for the soul, and if you squeeze it enough the stress and tension just melt away like the butter on the pancakes off the griddle as Sister Jo Mamma flops ‘em over onto the plates of the hungry parishioners. If you’re lucky you might even get some cyber-maple syrup and bacon with that.
So here’s to that stress ball, squeeze away and while you do, come on in, take your shoes off, sit back and relax, have some breakfast…Let me share with you a well used family grace for such situations…
“Bless the meat, damn the skins, rear back your ears and poke it in… Yay God!”
We don’t waste time in my family… so…
Anyway, in closing come the words of David Letterman, “I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.” Go with that… enjoy some stress relief for the soul… and squeeze in peace.
Amen.
Sister M's closing statement:
Nice job. Liked the Letterman quote!
Now before we pop the champagne and start burning breakfast (and by the way Sister Jomama does not flip flap-jacks) I want to mention that we are still collecting your thoughts and feelings on the Mo Tolerance sermon of last week. If for some very good reason you missed that sermon you may catch up by scrolling down.
Oh-ah was that a champagne pop I just heard? Yep! And like a starting gun it seems.. as half the congregation just took off. And Holy Mimosa.. I believe Sister AniD2 was leading the pack.
I guess breakfast is served!
Digest in peace!
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the word was delivered at:
.........................This weeks sermon comes from Sister AniD2. Now don't let that "sister" tag fool ya any. Like Mo (from last weeks sermon) Sister AniD2 is here as a sinner. In fact she is our A-#1 sinner! Our sinner winner even! Everything from mass murder (insecticide) to having mean hateful thoughts about her neighbors to inciting riots on other message boards. Now Sister A. is not a bad person. But she is often a mad person.. Mad angry that is. And, also like Mo (from last weeks sermon) Sister AniD2 is penance preaching. Penance preaching is a little scam I recently thought up so I don't have to write a sermon every bloody Sunday! And hey.. who knows we may even salvage a few souls along the way. Speaking of which.. Sister AniD2.. Bring it on!
Today’s Sermon: Stress Relief for the Soul
Or
I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do? -Ronnie Shakes
By Sister AniD2
(representing angry musicians and violent video-gamers everywhere)
I get around a lot here in cyberspace and in my travels I’ve built up my own little philosophy on life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness…or at least the pursuit of less anger and stress, so what would be more fitting coming from me than a little stress relief for the soul?
Wandering around the net I’ve found that there are lots of places to go, but only one place to end up… and that’s here. Call it what you want. Blogville. B-Street. The Third Church. They’re all on the same street, in the same town, in the same city and country… on a totally different planet, thank God. Here in cyberspace there’s a place like this for everyone, if they will take the time to look that is…So what’s this got to do with the soul and relieving stress? Nothing. I’m getting to that…
Now for those that know me you’ll know I’ve got two moods. Seething mad is one, and aggravated is the other. That makes for a lot of stress, but it’s not quite what it seems. I figure that everyone pretty much has the same two moods at varying levels of course. You see, when I say I have two moods I don’t mean that I am never happy or content or any number of other words that describe emotions that the human mind, body and soul feel, I simply mean that there’s always gonna be something out there that is not going to go with what you need or want, what you’re saying or what you’re doing or with anything for that matter. Typically that cause for aggravation is other human beings. Admit it… you know what I’m talking about… even when you’re happy there’s always that little nagging thought at the back of your mind whether it’s “I can’t believe who my governor is” or “I have to go to work tomorrow” or “There are dishes to be done” or any number of other things that are a part of daily life… it’s there, and unfortunately will never go away completely… you’re stuck with it… or are you?
That’s where the stress relief comes in. This is the one place where that aggravation melts away if you’ll let it. The serenity of the pews and the calm of the cyber-choir… even the Cyber-Sunday Mimosa/Pancake Breakfast. It’s like a great big mental stress ball, a little stress relief for the soul, and if you squeeze it enough the stress and tension just melt away like the butter on the pancakes off the griddle as Sister Jo Mamma flops ‘em over onto the plates of the hungry parishioners. If you’re lucky you might even get some cyber-maple syrup and bacon with that.
So here’s to that stress ball, squeeze away and while you do, come on in, take your shoes off, sit back and relax, have some breakfast…Let me share with you a well used family grace for such situations…
“Bless the meat, damn the skins, rear back your ears and poke it in… Yay God!”
We don’t waste time in my family… so…
Anyway, in closing come the words of David Letterman, “I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.” Go with that… enjoy some stress relief for the soul… and squeeze in peace.
Amen.
Sister M's closing statement:
Nice job. Liked the Letterman quote!
Now before we pop the champagne and start burning breakfast (and by the way Sister Jomama does not flip flap-jacks) I want to mention that we are still collecting your thoughts and feelings on the Mo Tolerance sermon of last week. If for some very good reason you missed that sermon you may catch up by scrolling down.
Oh-ah was that a champagne pop I just heard? Yep! And like a starting gun it seems.. as half the congregation just took off. And Holy Mimosa.. I believe Sister AniD2 was leading the pack.
I guess breakfast is served!
Digest in peace!
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the word was delivered at:
Sunday, November 23, 2003
Introduction by: Sister Jomama
Mo was a lurker from the "outside" world. At first we were a bit perturbed with his methods and concerned about his motives. But there is hope now that he has been truly converted. I specifically asked Mo to write this weeks sermon.. which is why it is late being posted. Mo had some real 'splaining to do and I wanted to give him all the time he needed to do it.
So please read his sermon and then decide.
Accept or shun?
You be the judge!
This week's sermon: The Peeping Prophet
Hello. My name's Mo. Mo Tolerance. I am new in here. Actually I am an outsider in here. I may even end up a prisoner in here.
I entered into this Blogville place from the world of flesh and blood.
To put it simply, I know who some of these people are. And I get the feeling that they may not be too happy with me being here and knowing them.
And though it was a fluke (spawned by curiosity ) that did lead me here, I think I was led here for a reason.
I think that reason is in my sermon.
Blogville is not on any road map. The Third Church is not listed in the phone book. And yet here we are. And so it must exist.
Say Hallelujah!?!
I found this place through a "sin". Through the sin of curiosity. Not that all curiosity is sin, mind you. But in my case it was. It was malicious prying. In my case it was sin.
But my motives are irrelevant. My person is irrelevant. I realize now that I was destined to come here.
Like Pilate in the passion play, my part was preordained. So that not only am I at a turning point. I am a turning point.
Did I hear someone say "huh?"
Realize please, as I have, that I was sent here as an objective observer. I'd been hanging around here for about 4 weeks before I was finally "spotted" by one of the parishioners. The first week I scoffed. The second week I listened. And by the third week I understood.
Cyberspace is heaven!
Oh, I've been drifting through it for years. But it took this side trip to Blogville and a stop at this quirky little church for me to actually see it. For the first time.
And so I know who some of you are. I know you from that parallel universe called reality. I know what you do for a living. I know your brothers and sisters. And I know it means nothing here.
Here there is no flesh and blood.
Here there are only souls.
And I believe that's what I've been sent here from the outside to say. I've been sent here to put all doubt to rest. And to reassure you that you're safe.
Yes. You have found peace!
And yes. Now I've found it too!
As will others. In time.
And the "hows" and "whys" are just a means to this end. They mean nothing!
I would never have done something like this in the real world. Me? Sermonizing? Bellying up to the pulpit? Never!
But here.. here I can do anything!
I can have a double hallelujah on the rocks. With a whiskey chaser!!
Here..
in heaven!
Sister's closing message: Hmmmm.. so what cha think? A spy from the outside or a real convert? Baptize or crucify? Yea or nay? Ponder it a bit then drop me a line at: Judge & Jury!
And we'll get back to this one!
OK folks.. that's it for this week. Now get the hell outa here!!
(0) The Signup Sheet
the word was delivered at:
.........................Mo was a lurker from the "outside" world. At first we were a bit perturbed with his methods and concerned about his motives. But there is hope now that he has been truly converted. I specifically asked Mo to write this weeks sermon.. which is why it is late being posted. Mo had some real 'splaining to do and I wanted to give him all the time he needed to do it.
So please read his sermon and then decide.
Accept or shun?
You be the judge!
This week's sermon: The Peeping Prophet
Hello. My name's Mo. Mo Tolerance. I am new in here. Actually I am an outsider in here. I may even end up a prisoner in here.
I entered into this Blogville place from the world of flesh and blood.
To put it simply, I know who some of these people are. And I get the feeling that they may not be too happy with me being here and knowing them.
And though it was a fluke (spawned by curiosity ) that did lead me here, I think I was led here for a reason.
I think that reason is in my sermon.
Blogville is not on any road map. The Third Church is not listed in the phone book. And yet here we are. And so it must exist.
Say Hallelujah!?!
I found this place through a "sin". Through the sin of curiosity. Not that all curiosity is sin, mind you. But in my case it was. It was malicious prying. In my case it was sin.
But my motives are irrelevant. My person is irrelevant. I realize now that I was destined to come here.
Like Pilate in the passion play, my part was preordained. So that not only am I at a turning point. I am a turning point.
Did I hear someone say "huh?"
Realize please, as I have, that I was sent here as an objective observer. I'd been hanging around here for about 4 weeks before I was finally "spotted" by one of the parishioners. The first week I scoffed. The second week I listened. And by the third week I understood.
Cyberspace is heaven!
Oh, I've been drifting through it for years. But it took this side trip to Blogville and a stop at this quirky little church for me to actually see it. For the first time.
And so I know who some of you are. I know you from that parallel universe called reality. I know what you do for a living. I know your brothers and sisters. And I know it means nothing here.
Here there is no flesh and blood.
Here there are only souls.
And I believe that's what I've been sent here from the outside to say. I've been sent here to put all doubt to rest. And to reassure you that you're safe.
Yes. You have found peace!
And yes. Now I've found it too!
As will others. In time.
And the "hows" and "whys" are just a means to this end. They mean nothing!
I would never have done something like this in the real world. Me? Sermonizing? Bellying up to the pulpit? Never!
But here.. here I can do anything!
I can have a double hallelujah on the rocks. With a whiskey chaser!!
Here..
in heaven!
Sister's closing message: Hmmmm.. so what cha think? A spy from the outside or a real convert? Baptize or crucify? Yea or nay? Ponder it a bit then drop me a line at: Judge & Jury!
And we'll get back to this one!
OK folks.. that's it for this week. Now get the hell outa here!!
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Sunday, November 16, 2003
Today's Sermon: And on the 7th day the Lord said, "Let there be light"
And I said, "Like hell!!"
Which is exactly how I feel this fine 7th day morning. Like hell! Ya see your good sister has a raging hangover. Which is why I will be whispering today's sermon.
Today's very short and very painful sermon.
As most of you know last night was "Bingo Nite".. and a raging success it was. And like all of you who stayed in the aftermath know.. Joe broke out a bottle of Wild Turkey. And we had a few pre-Thanksgiving toasts. And 6 hours later I'm heavin in the toilet.
Say hallelujah!
But.. and it's a big but. I made it here. It was so important to me to be here. More important that the searing pain in my brain. Because this isn't just a job.. it's a calling And so I pulled my head outa that porcelain pot, scraped a toothbrush across my teeth and stumbled here today. Because you're all just that important to me.
And I'm not the only one that feels that was. Joe's here too. And Joe honey, you look like shit! And everyone else who was in the aftermath. They're all here. Looks like a damn zombie convention but we all made it. We're all just that important to each other. And that alone makes me feel just a little bit better.
And now if you don't mind I'm gonna go home and die.
Oh.. and we should all really thank god that I am not an airline pilot or a doctor.
Amen!
Now please tippy-toe out.
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.........................And I said, "Like hell!!"
Which is exactly how I feel this fine 7th day morning. Like hell! Ya see your good sister has a raging hangover. Which is why I will be whispering today's sermon.
Today's very short and very painful sermon.
As most of you know last night was "Bingo Nite".. and a raging success it was. And like all of you who stayed in the aftermath know.. Joe broke out a bottle of Wild Turkey. And we had a few pre-Thanksgiving toasts. And 6 hours later I'm heavin in the toilet.
Say hallelujah!
But.. and it's a big but. I made it here. It was so important to me to be here. More important that the searing pain in my brain. Because this isn't just a job.. it's a calling And so I pulled my head outa that porcelain pot, scraped a toothbrush across my teeth and stumbled here today. Because you're all just that important to me.
And I'm not the only one that feels that was. Joe's here too. And Joe honey, you look like shit! And everyone else who was in the aftermath. They're all here. Looks like a damn zombie convention but we all made it. We're all just that important to each other. And that alone makes me feel just a little bit better.
And now if you don't mind I'm gonna go home and die.
Oh.. and we should all really thank god that I am not an airline pilot or a doctor.
Amen!
Now please tippy-toe out.
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Sunday, November 09, 2003
Today's Sermon: Well here is my attempt at a sermon.
by Lil Sister Julie
As Sister Mary mentioned last week, we recently lost our pet fish. Thankfully the little one is still too little to ask about fishy heaven and hell, but I was curious to see how people explain such matters these days. Well for one thing, apparently its not as common to spew the "fire and brimstone" stuff as it used to be. So maybe we are focusing on the positive, that there are good people in the world. Or maybe that is why we are all so screwed up, because we don't fear punishment. But personally, I've always been a girl of science, so I decided to see their take on it. Because you know scientists love to prove stuff, especially the not always tangible. It was an extremely interesting find. Some scientists say that if heaven and hell exist, that heaven is hotter than hell. So when something is hot as hell, is it really about 455 C or 851 F? and you can always shoot someone down with "when hell freezes over" with no fear of any repercussions. But there are others who say that hell is still indeed hotter than heaven, but heaven still isn't quite the tropical beach weather some of us might think it to be. And hell might be at the bottom of the ocean instead of the core of the earth, but heaven is still in the skies. But it is encouraging that if you are ever in a physics class, you've got some great answers to give the teacher should the subject be broached. Personally, I think the take on karma and reincarnation is the most fascinating. Well, Amen. This concludes today's sermon, now lets go enjoy the CyberSunday Mimosa/Pancake Breakfast.
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.........................by Lil Sister Julie
As Sister Mary mentioned last week, we recently lost our pet fish. Thankfully the little one is still too little to ask about fishy heaven and hell, but I was curious to see how people explain such matters these days. Well for one thing, apparently its not as common to spew the "fire and brimstone" stuff as it used to be. So maybe we are focusing on the positive, that there are good people in the world. Or maybe that is why we are all so screwed up, because we don't fear punishment. But personally, I've always been a girl of science, so I decided to see their take on it. Because you know scientists love to prove stuff, especially the not always tangible. It was an extremely interesting find. Some scientists say that if heaven and hell exist, that heaven is hotter than hell. So when something is hot as hell, is it really about 455 C or 851 F? and you can always shoot someone down with "when hell freezes over" with no fear of any repercussions. But there are others who say that hell is still indeed hotter than heaven, but heaven still isn't quite the tropical beach weather some of us might think it to be. And hell might be at the bottom of the ocean instead of the core of the earth, but heaven is still in the skies. But it is encouraging that if you are ever in a physics class, you've got some great answers to give the teacher should the subject be broached. Personally, I think the take on karma and reincarnation is the most fascinating. Well, Amen. This concludes today's sermon, now lets go enjoy the CyberSunday Mimosa/Pancake Breakfast.
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Sunday, November 02, 2003
Today's Sermon: Back From The Crusades.. Like The Plague
Well first of all I'd like to say that the Missionary Position Crusade to Huddersfield, England was a fascinating & rousing success. In fact, with a little imagination, I should be able to pull 2 or 3 sermons out of the bloody (I just love saying that) trip!
But today I need to play a little catch-up.
I've been going over all the correspondence that has piled up over the last 10 days. The emails and confessions and all. Of all the hundreds of pieces of correspondence (most of them being spam, I might add) 2 pieces stood out significantly in my mind.
One was from a child. The other from a much older woman. They both had suffered losses recently. The older woman had lost a long time friend. While the child had lost a dime store goldfish.
Immediately my heart went out to the woman. After all her loss was genuine. She had lost a human being. Someone that she had known and loved for years.
I mean a child's acquaintanceship with a goldfish could never compare to something like that.
Still for some reason I had trouble holding that thought.
So I re-read both letters. This time with an open mind.. and an open heart. And though both letters were written in very different styles. One multi-syllabic the other multi-emoticons.. they both conveyed a same sad confusion. And they both asked the same basic question - Why?
So now what do I say to both of them?
Well.. I do know for a fact that dime store gold fish have life expectancies of about 45 minutes.. You might want to keep that in mind the next time you pet shop.
But other than that.. I'm stumped too.
When I was a kid the father of some friends of mine got cancer. He was a young guy really. Younger than my folks. I remember asking God to not take away Pammy's dad. But he did anyway.
So I figured God either didn't listen to or just couldn't hear the prayers of kids. I figured I'd have my say as an adult.
Well I bet we can all guess just how disappointed and pissed off I was when I realized that it didn't work that way either!! In fact by puberty I'd pretty much decided that we were all just heaven's lab animals.. scurrying and hiding and spreading humanity all over the surface of the earth.. with none of us escaping God's immaculate dissection.
But then that's a pretty dark morbid approach.. especially from a church lady like myself. And hell.. it would only traumatize the kid!
Unfortunately though I still pretty much believe it. I found out just after my return this week that my uncle's cancer (which had been in remission the last 5 years) has resurfaced.
And since my mind doesn't know what to say (to anybody it seems) I'll just say what's in my heart...
Bloody buggery bollocks!
Amen!
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the word was delivered at:
.........................Well first of all I'd like to say that the Missionary Position Crusade to Huddersfield, England was a fascinating & rousing success. In fact, with a little imagination, I should be able to pull 2 or 3 sermons out of the bloody (I just love saying that) trip!
But today I need to play a little catch-up.
I've been going over all the correspondence that has piled up over the last 10 days. The emails and confessions and all. Of all the hundreds of pieces of correspondence (most of them being spam, I might add) 2 pieces stood out significantly in my mind.
One was from a child. The other from a much older woman. They both had suffered losses recently. The older woman had lost a long time friend. While the child had lost a dime store goldfish.
Immediately my heart went out to the woman. After all her loss was genuine. She had lost a human being. Someone that she had known and loved for years.
I mean a child's acquaintanceship with a goldfish could never compare to something like that.
Still for some reason I had trouble holding that thought.
So I re-read both letters. This time with an open mind.. and an open heart. And though both letters were written in very different styles. One multi-syllabic the other multi-emoticons.. they both conveyed a same sad confusion. And they both asked the same basic question - Why?
So now what do I say to both of them?
Well.. I do know for a fact that dime store gold fish have life expectancies of about 45 minutes.. You might want to keep that in mind the next time you pet shop.
But other than that.. I'm stumped too.
When I was a kid the father of some friends of mine got cancer. He was a young guy really. Younger than my folks. I remember asking God to not take away Pammy's dad. But he did anyway.
So I figured God either didn't listen to or just couldn't hear the prayers of kids. I figured I'd have my say as an adult.
Well I bet we can all guess just how disappointed and pissed off I was when I realized that it didn't work that way either!! In fact by puberty I'd pretty much decided that we were all just heaven's lab animals.. scurrying and hiding and spreading humanity all over the surface of the earth.. with none of us escaping God's immaculate dissection.
But then that's a pretty dark morbid approach.. especially from a church lady like myself. And hell.. it would only traumatize the kid!
Unfortunately though I still pretty much believe it. I found out just after my return this week that my uncle's cancer (which had been in remission the last 5 years) has resurfaced.
And since my mind doesn't know what to say (to anybody it seems) I'll just say what's in my heart...
Bloody buggery bollocks!
Amen!
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