CHURCH of the NEBULAS SPIRIT
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Sunday, December 28, 2003
This Weeks Sermon: Fingers Crossed!
Sorry I’m late today! I was visiting one of our parishioners in the hospital. Visiting the ill is part of my job even though I really hate hospitals. Fortunately this patient is not facing a life threatening condition or anything like that.
Which is a good thing seeing as how The Third Church has no real “sacraments for the sick”. No magical feel good blessings or special dispensations. No Communion or Last Rites. .
We don’t profess to know anything about what happens after death. I’m sure I mentioned this back when we first opened our doors but I thought now might be a good time to repeat it. That once you die.. once the flesh and the soul are separated well.. I’m afraid you’re on your own.
We really are the church of the “living” soul.
Still, even though I find all this talk about death and dying to be creepy and uncomfortable, it is still part of my job to visit the sick and infirmed.
And so I do. And that is why I was late today.
Actually the person I was visiting was in the Chemical Dependency Unit.. In Detox. Which I find almost as creepy and uncomfortable to talk about as death and dying! Maybe even creepier!
It is a bit unnerving to see how people that are trying to kick a habit are sometimes dealt with. How they are managed and manipulated. And how one crutch is often replaced with another (in many cases it’s religion).
In all my years I’ve seen many cool people go down behind addiction. I’ve also seen just as many go down behind recovery too. There is no easy answer to this problem. In fact I believe there is no real answer at all.
So keep your fingers crossed and just hope you’ve got all your priorities in perspective.
Then go out and just try to have a very Happy New Year!
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.........................Sorry I’m late today! I was visiting one of our parishioners in the hospital. Visiting the ill is part of my job even though I really hate hospitals. Fortunately this patient is not facing a life threatening condition or anything like that.
Which is a good thing seeing as how The Third Church has no real “sacraments for the sick”. No magical feel good blessings or special dispensations. No Communion or Last Rites. .
We don’t profess to know anything about what happens after death. I’m sure I mentioned this back when we first opened our doors but I thought now might be a good time to repeat it. That once you die.. once the flesh and the soul are separated well.. I’m afraid you’re on your own.
We really are the church of the “living” soul.
Still, even though I find all this talk about death and dying to be creepy and uncomfortable, it is still part of my job to visit the sick and infirmed.
And so I do. And that is why I was late today.
Actually the person I was visiting was in the Chemical Dependency Unit.. In Detox. Which I find almost as creepy and uncomfortable to talk about as death and dying! Maybe even creepier!
It is a bit unnerving to see how people that are trying to kick a habit are sometimes dealt with. How they are managed and manipulated. And how one crutch is often replaced with another (in many cases it’s religion).
In all my years I’ve seen many cool people go down behind addiction. I’ve also seen just as many go down behind recovery too. There is no easy answer to this problem. In fact I believe there is no real answer at all.
So keep your fingers crossed and just hope you’ve got all your priorities in perspective.
Then go out and just try to have a very Happy New Year!
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the word was delivered at:
Sunday, December 21, 2003
Today's Sermon: 4 Days!!
I should be Christmas shopping.. That's what most of you are thinking right now I bet. I know the thought has been popping in and outa my head all morning. Not to mention that there are still presents to wrap and end-of-the-season football games to watch. Oh and those "special" Christmas cookies to bake and .. Well there's just a shit load to do still. So why are you wasting your time at this phony baloney church. Have any of you seriously asked yourself that question today? I mean we certainly aren't an organized religion.. not by any stretch of the imagination. We don't threaten you with damnation if you skip a Sunday.. (Like those over-dramatic Catholics!) Hell.. half of us don't even believe in "God".
So what are you doing here today?
I know I've told you my reasons for being here every damn Sunday (archive, 11/16/03). Of course it is a little different for me.. seein as this is like my calling and all.
But in fact during the 5 months since 3rd Church opened it's doors we've heard sermons by many "lay" people.. all from pretty much different walks of life too. Joe the swamper over at the Boob Tube Bar, Li'l Julie the student and most recently Sister Ani-D2 reformed sinner. You can find their thoughts and feelings in the Holy Archives. And they are suggested reading.
But whether you read them or not I really want you to ask yourself.. What brought you here today? On this weekend before Christmas. This shopping party-hearty hurry push and shove and elbow your way right into Christmas weekend!!
Oh I'm sure all your answers would be different.. Yet they would also be the same.
And ya know.. I really think they would make you feel good.. kinda like a good Christmas gift!
Anyway.. Think about it. And hell who knows.. Maybe the next sermon you read may be your own!!
And somewhat on the same note I would like to formally welcome Mo Tolerance into the fold. Mo also (at my urging) preached his case (so to speak) a few weeks ago. Most of the responses were quite in Mo's favor though we did keep getting these anonymous emails that said "Stone him!". Ummm.. I sure hope that wasn't you Sister A-D2!! Anyway.. Mo's really a pretty cool guy. ( I knew him first in the "real" world.) And I'm sure he will be an asset to this congregation!
Also our first Christmas Pageant was rather successful.. Just a couple of snags what with a few "blinking" links and some rancid cocktail weenies. But otherwise everyone seemed to have fun.
OK.. that's it for this week folks.
Have a Merry Christmas. Though I'll probably be seein most of you later on at the mall.
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.........................I should be Christmas shopping.. That's what most of you are thinking right now I bet. I know the thought has been popping in and outa my head all morning. Not to mention that there are still presents to wrap and end-of-the-season football games to watch. Oh and those "special" Christmas cookies to bake and .. Well there's just a shit load to do still. So why are you wasting your time at this phony baloney church. Have any of you seriously asked yourself that question today? I mean we certainly aren't an organized religion.. not by any stretch of the imagination. We don't threaten you with damnation if you skip a Sunday.. (Like those over-dramatic Catholics!) Hell.. half of us don't even believe in "God".
So what are you doing here today?
I know I've told you my reasons for being here every damn Sunday (archive, 11/16/03). Of course it is a little different for me.. seein as this is like my calling and all.
But in fact during the 5 months since 3rd Church opened it's doors we've heard sermons by many "lay" people.. all from pretty much different walks of life too. Joe the swamper over at the Boob Tube Bar, Li'l Julie the student and most recently Sister Ani-D2 reformed sinner. You can find their thoughts and feelings in the Holy Archives. And they are suggested reading.
But whether you read them or not I really want you to ask yourself.. What brought you here today? On this weekend before Christmas. This shopping party-hearty hurry push and shove and elbow your way right into Christmas weekend!!
Oh I'm sure all your answers would be different.. Yet they would also be the same.
And ya know.. I really think they would make you feel good.. kinda like a good Christmas gift!
Anyway.. Think about it. And hell who knows.. Maybe the next sermon you read may be your own!!
And somewhat on the same note I would like to formally welcome Mo Tolerance into the fold. Mo also (at my urging) preached his case (so to speak) a few weeks ago. Most of the responses were quite in Mo's favor though we did keep getting these anonymous emails that said "Stone him!". Ummm.. I sure hope that wasn't you Sister A-D2!! Anyway.. Mo's really a pretty cool guy. ( I knew him first in the "real" world.) And I'm sure he will be an asset to this congregation!
Also our first Christmas Pageant was rather successful.. Just a couple of snags what with a few "blinking" links and some rancid cocktail weenies. But otherwise everyone seemed to have fun.
OK.. that's it for this week folks.
Have a Merry Christmas. Though I'll probably be seein most of you later on at the mall.
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Sunday, December 14, 2003
Tonight... IT'S SHOWTIME!!
Good evening. Welcome to The Third Church's first annual Christmas pageant. Instead of our usual Sunday morning sermon we all slept in a bit then spent the rest of the day staring down Saddam Hussein's throat. Gotta admit.. it's kinda cool how a flashlight shined into an open mouth can turn a whole head into a Christmas light. Of course it woulda worked better without the beard.. which by the way made him look eerily like a vengeful God.
But this evening we gather together as a congregation to celebrate with song and word and imagination this vision.. This sugarplum. This crazy thing we call... Christmas.
OK! And let's open the evening with a little token diversity and a poignant little song... Ahhh.. that was beautiful! How about another quick little taste.!?.. Thanks! Come on let's hear it for em!!Take a bow!!
Our next number is from young Eric Cartman. Eric is going to be singing a song from his new Christian-lite rock album entitled "Holy Shit It's Christmas". And the song is "Jesus Baby.".. That was beautiful Eric. The album again is... ah yes "Holy Shit It's Christmas". Sure to be a classic!
And up next?.. ah yes. Not just a man and his dog.. It's Wallace & Grommit... Ya just gotta love em!
And speaking of love.. Who doesn't love Ozzy? Come on Oz say a few words.. to the congregation!!
And now ladies and gentlemen. Direct from their long running gig in Springfield, USA. Please welcome Americas's Royal Family.. The Simpsons!!! They'd like you all to join in and help them sing.. Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer...!!
Oh my.. that was.. lovely. And I guess I know now why we don't have a chior!!
And for our final offering tonight we have a real treat. Seldom seen together.. but on our stage tonight. Don't know how we managed it. But we've got em. Let's give it up for.. Jesus & Santa...!!!
My God that was WONDERFUL! Come-on take another bow!
Well.. that pretty much wraps it up folks. Hot toddies and cocktail weiners will be served at the rear of the building. Hope you enjoyed the show and goodnight!!!
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the word was delivered at:
.........................Good evening. Welcome to The Third Church's first annual Christmas pageant. Instead of our usual Sunday morning sermon we all slept in a bit then spent the rest of the day staring down Saddam Hussein's throat. Gotta admit.. it's kinda cool how a flashlight shined into an open mouth can turn a whole head into a Christmas light. Of course it woulda worked better without the beard.. which by the way made him look eerily like a vengeful God.
But this evening we gather together as a congregation to celebrate with song and word and imagination this vision.. This sugarplum. This crazy thing we call... Christmas.
OK! And let's open the evening with a little token diversity and a poignant little song... Ahhh.. that was beautiful! How about another quick little taste.!?.. Thanks! Come on let's hear it for em!!Take a bow!!
Our next number is from young Eric Cartman. Eric is going to be singing a song from his new Christian-lite rock album entitled "Holy Shit It's Christmas". And the song is "Jesus Baby.".. That was beautiful Eric. The album again is... ah yes "Holy Shit It's Christmas". Sure to be a classic!
And up next?.. ah yes. Not just a man and his dog.. It's Wallace & Grommit... Ya just gotta love em!
And speaking of love.. Who doesn't love Ozzy? Come on Oz say a few words.. to the congregation!!
And now ladies and gentlemen. Direct from their long running gig in Springfield, USA. Please welcome Americas's Royal Family.. The Simpsons!!! They'd like you all to join in and help them sing.. Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer...!!
Oh my.. that was.. lovely. And I guess I know now why we don't have a chior!!
And for our final offering tonight we have a real treat. Seldom seen together.. but on our stage tonight. Don't know how we managed it. But we've got em. Let's give it up for.. Jesus & Santa...!!!
My God that was WONDERFUL! Come-on take another bow!
Well.. that pretty much wraps it up folks. Hot toddies and cocktail weiners will be served at the rear of the building. Hope you enjoyed the show and goodnight!!!
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Sunday, December 07, 2003
Note: Today's sermon is late due to technical difficulties. Sorry!
Today's Sermon: One Lump Or Two?
Well evidently everyone is on their very best behavior these days as we did not receive one single confession this week. And the one piece of mail that landed in the guestsermon in-box was a letter to Santa from some 6 year old child. A rather confused 6 year old child it would seem. Actually there are quite a few of em out there. And actually they aren't all 6 years old either.
Anyway.. since it was addressed to guestsermons it becomes the property of guestsermons. And I can use it if I so wish. And I so wish.
Dear Santa,
Hello. My name is Bobby. I am only 6 years old. Ш□□∆фΨ
And YET I'VE BEEN AUTHORIZED to offer GUESTSERMONS A CHANCE to REFINANCE at an the incredibly low high fixed rate of □□∆фΨ!!! Santa, will you tell GUESTSERMONS that TAKING ADVANTAGE of our special X-mas offer will make this the □□∆фΨ holiday ever. And GUESTSERMONS.. Act NOW and receive a second bottle of Viagra at half price. The PERFECT stocking stuffer!!! So take a hint from Santa And REFINANCE YOUR MANHOOD TODAY!!! Reply to this email for details. DO IT TODAY!
Ш□□∆фΨ
Bobby
Well.. what a lump of coal that was! Or was it? I mean just what is so wrong with receiving coal anyway. Coal is a reasonable and practical winter necessity. It keeps us warm. It won't give you carpal tunnel syndrome like a joystick does. It doesn't need batteries!
Perhaps it's time we realize that lumps of coal are not handed out by a vengeful Santa but by a caring sensible Santa instead. Of course being the materialistic society that we are we scoff at and reject such useful gifts.. wanting instead this years fad. This years Cabbage Patch doll or Tickle Me Elmo. Well maybe we are wrong.. Maybe Bobby was right when he said "Ш□□∆фΨ". Maybe it is time to refinance our "manhood"! Our spiritual manhood that is!
So let's all stop for a moment and reflect. Reflect long and hard. Are you really on your best behavior? Do you really have no sin? Haven't flipped off any of your fellow holiday shoppers on the roadways? Haven't been gluttonous? You're all a bunch of bleedin little angles.. right?
Great! Then let's all go Bowling For Christmas Time!!!
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the word was delivered at:
.........................Today's Sermon: One Lump Or Two?
Well evidently everyone is on their very best behavior these days as we did not receive one single confession this week. And the one piece of mail that landed in the guestsermon in-box was a letter to Santa from some 6 year old child. A rather confused 6 year old child it would seem. Actually there are quite a few of em out there. And actually they aren't all 6 years old either.
Anyway.. since it was addressed to guestsermons it becomes the property of guestsermons. And I can use it if I so wish. And I so wish.
Dear Santa,
Hello. My name is Bobby. I am only 6 years old. Ш□□∆фΨ
And YET I'VE BEEN AUTHORIZED to offer GUESTSERMONS A CHANCE to REFINANCE at an the incredibly low high fixed rate of □□∆фΨ!!! Santa, will you tell GUESTSERMONS that TAKING ADVANTAGE of our special X-mas offer will make this the □□∆фΨ holiday ever. And GUESTSERMONS.. Act NOW and receive a second bottle of Viagra at half price. The PERFECT stocking stuffer!!! So take a hint from Santa And REFINANCE YOUR MANHOOD TODAY!!! Reply to this email for details. DO IT TODAY!
Ш□□∆фΨ
Bobby
Well.. what a lump of coal that was! Or was it? I mean just what is so wrong with receiving coal anyway. Coal is a reasonable and practical winter necessity. It keeps us warm. It won't give you carpal tunnel syndrome like a joystick does. It doesn't need batteries!
Perhaps it's time we realize that lumps of coal are not handed out by a vengeful Santa but by a caring sensible Santa instead. Of course being the materialistic society that we are we scoff at and reject such useful gifts.. wanting instead this years fad. This years Cabbage Patch doll or Tickle Me Elmo. Well maybe we are wrong.. Maybe Bobby was right when he said "Ш□□∆фΨ". Maybe it is time to refinance our "manhood"! Our spiritual manhood that is!
So let's all stop for a moment and reflect. Reflect long and hard. Are you really on your best behavior? Do you really have no sin? Haven't flipped off any of your fellow holiday shoppers on the roadways? Haven't been gluttonous? You're all a bunch of bleedin little angles.. right?
Great! Then let's all go Bowling For Christmas Time!!!
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the word was delivered at:
