CHURCH of the NEBULAS SPIRIT
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Sunday, January 25, 2004
Better Late Than Never
Yeah.. sorry I'm late. Ya know how it is.. Leaving Las Vegas and I missed the plane. It was only about 45 minutes till the next one but after losing most of the 3rd Church's Send Sister Jo-mo On Her Yearly Retreat Before She Kills Everybody Fund money (a tax deductible charitable organization btw), on slots and roulette in less than 48 hours.. well I was a bit down. I thought: Hell.. I'm gonna go back feeling as shitty as I did before I left. And I'm sure I'm still gonna need to write a goddamn sermon. I mean fuck me with a stick of lit TNT if someone actually wrote a sermon for this week... Etc.. etc.. bitchfest.. etc..
I was also (and still am actually) a bit hung-over.
Anyway.. I was in pretty sad shape and moped around the Vegas airport losing even more money.
Then I get on the plane. An airbus actually. Could it get any worse I thought. Of course it could.
I had the window seat of a 3 seater. And already sitting in the two seats next to me are these two kids. Kids! Not more than 6 years old. A boy and a girl. Alone on this plane. Sitting there like a couple of Animanics.. except I think they'd been drinking.
Never mind Jake it's Chinatown. I think to myself. And I shuffled past em into my seat.. I can feel them eyeballing me. It was creepy. So we're on the tarmac for about 20 minutes and I'm getting uncomfortable. I keep expecting them to do something strange. But they don't and we pretty much take off with out incident.
So I decide to start writing the sermon. I pulled out my lucky (ha!) 3rd Church pen. But before I could slip into any kind of holy reverie the boy began to babble.
"Where ya goin? What cha writin? You alone? I'm with my sister…"
At first I ignored him. But he was a spunky & persistent little SOB.. So I put down my pen. And we talked.
Their names were Paula and Peter. And they were both 6 and a half years old. They were twins though Paula was the older by minuets. Peter had entered Paula in some kinda Cinderella pageant contest thing that goes on in Vegas. She had come in third (outa 20 tots) in the preliminaries. Seemed pretty good to me but I believe Paula was a bit miffed at brother Peter for involving her in the first place. Anyway.. she didn't say much at first.
Of course they wanted to know about me. And so I told em. For the first time ever I talked about Nebulisim while in "the flesh" so to speak. (Well of course there was the incident with Mo.. but that was all by circumstance.) Anyway.. I told em all about the church.. about the faceless congregation. And our new organ.
And they were fascinated.
They were fiery and inquisitive. They both began shooting questions and observations at me. It seemed they saw everything in life as a spiritual metaphor. TV shows and characters ("The character is the same but actors keep changing") food ("angelfood.. devilsfood?"), switchboards ("suppose when you die your soul goes through a heavenly switchboard and if you're put on hold that is purgatory and.."),, psychotic episodes ("If Dr Jekyll is a saint and Mr. Hyde a sinner how can they be judged?")
They had these wide eyes and these great big open minds.. and they let me run rampant through em. And it felt good!!
And then of course I knew that this was what it was all about.
The money gambled away.. the drunken sex with strange men.. the 28 gallons of booze I consumed.. it was all just something to do. It was just a reason to miss the plane. Something to fret over and dwell upon until the twins came along.
I felt.. I don't know.. I guess for lack of a better word I felt.. clean.
We exchanged email addresses and I gave them the church's Web address. Hmm.. ya know they could be here now even. I kinda hope so. It's nice to know a new generation of Nebulists might be taking root out there in cyberspace. Not to mention that little prick Peter swiped my lucky 3rd Church pen!!
So now get off your knees but stay on your toes people!!
And I'll see ya next week!
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Sunday, January 18, 2004
Today's Sermon: Sorry to keep you waiting folks
Frankly I forgot that I was filling in this morning. As most of you know the good Sister is off fixing her "crisis of faith" or PMS or whatever it is that's buggin her. I'm sure she'll fill us all in upon her return. Which should be next week!
Anyway again, as most of you know, I'm Joe. I've been a regular here for about 6 months now. Hell, I've even got a sermon in the Holy Archives. Which may be why Sister asked me to front for her today. As I certainly can't think of any other reason.
And I really don't have any thing I want to say today. I mean really, what on earth could you or I say that hasn't already been said (and better) by someone else. Yet we come here once a week. Week after week. Why?
Well the pancake breakfast is the first thing that leaps into my mind. But then I could just come after church for that.
No. There is really only one reason that I can think of. I come here to "offer" (for lack of a better word) to the nebula that is this (and really all) religion my most precious possession.. my time. Somewhere, out there in the great beyond, there is a time bank. When we are born an account is set up and one deposit is made.
Every moment of our life is drawn out of this account. And we never really know the balance.
So to come here once a week and spend what may be the last remaining moments in that account is truly a magnificent offering. It is the most anyone can offer to anyone or anything.
Now Sister left a little note here she wanted me to read.
"First off.. Thanks Joe for filling in…" Oh this is personal stuff let me skip down here a bit.. OK: "I'd like to ask all of you.. well all who feel comfortable doing it.. to send some thoughts or prayers or any kinda positive feelings you can muster up.. to a couple of our friends in Australia. They're dealing with some government bullshit right now and though I know they will triumph in the end.. well one can never have enough support in this world. Love ya kids!.. and ain't that what this is all about!!?!"
Yeah.. let me second that with an Amen. And add, though to me a prayer is just gussied-up hope it does seem to make the world go round. So we're sending some round to you two! Good luck kids from all of us.
OK.. let's eat, drink and be merry fore tomorrow.. well who knows!
(0) The Signup Sheet
the word was delivered at:
.........................Frankly I forgot that I was filling in this morning. As most of you know the good Sister is off fixing her "crisis of faith" or PMS or whatever it is that's buggin her. I'm sure she'll fill us all in upon her return. Which should be next week!
Anyway again, as most of you know, I'm Joe. I've been a regular here for about 6 months now. Hell, I've even got a sermon in the Holy Archives. Which may be why Sister asked me to front for her today. As I certainly can't think of any other reason.
And I really don't have any thing I want to say today. I mean really, what on earth could you or I say that hasn't already been said (and better) by someone else. Yet we come here once a week. Week after week. Why?
Well the pancake breakfast is the first thing that leaps into my mind. But then I could just come after church for that.
No. There is really only one reason that I can think of. I come here to "offer" (for lack of a better word) to the nebula that is this (and really all) religion my most precious possession.. my time. Somewhere, out there in the great beyond, there is a time bank. When we are born an account is set up and one deposit is made.
Every moment of our life is drawn out of this account. And we never really know the balance.
So to come here once a week and spend what may be the last remaining moments in that account is truly a magnificent offering. It is the most anyone can offer to anyone or anything.
Now Sister left a little note here she wanted me to read.
"First off.. Thanks Joe for filling in…" Oh this is personal stuff let me skip down here a bit.. OK: "I'd like to ask all of you.. well all who feel comfortable doing it.. to send some thoughts or prayers or any kinda positive feelings you can muster up.. to a couple of our friends in Australia. They're dealing with some government bullshit right now and though I know they will triumph in the end.. well one can never have enough support in this world. Love ya kids!.. and ain't that what this is all about!!?!"
Yeah.. let me second that with an Amen. And add, though to me a prayer is just gussied-up hope it does seem to make the world go round. So we're sending some round to you two! Good luck kids from all of us.
OK.. let's eat, drink and be merry fore tomorrow.. well who knows!
(0) The Signup Sheet
the word was delivered at:
Sunday, January 11, 2004
Today's Sermon: On A Wing And A Prayer.
Hmm-OK. Imagine yourself floating down a stream..
a stream of consciousness..
of cool clear consciousness and..
Oh crap!
Crap! Crap! Crap!
I don't have anything prepared!! Really!! I have no idea.. not a clue what my next sentence will be. Perhaps there will be a pregnant pause. Or an awkward silence. A sudden need to clear my throat.. to buy some time.. to collect my thoughts.
Then spew em out with nervous stutter and reiteration.
Or something like that.
Oh the fire and brimstone of being unprepared.
Ah.. here comes the sermon. I hear you saying to yourself. And you know I probably could run with that. Make something outa it. Or whip up something else just as easily. No really!
Something like… Ahh! OK.
Unpreparedness though not a sin, is most certainly a failing. But of course the character of the human race is worm holed with failings. That's why we have religion. And blah.. Blah.. Blah.
I mean it's not that I've run outa flaws to point out and rag upon. Finding a topic will never be the problem. But frankly.. sometimes.. finding a reason to care is!
And not caring.. well now that is a sin!
Preacher.. heal thyself.
And so that's what I intend to do.
I am taking a little retreat. Just for a week. I'm hoping to find someone to fill in for me.. it's just one Sunday. Open pulpit! Think of it as one of those reality based shows we all love so much.
Something like.. "The Calling"
Yeah! "Do You Have.. The Calling?"
Hey.. this may be your 15 minutes of fame folks. Don't let it pass ya by. Hell maybe even the Big Guy himself will take notice!! Ya never know!
And if that's not enough here's some more inspiration for ya.. If nobody submits anything Joe said he'd get drunk and.. now let me get this exactly right.. he'd get drunk and "throw up something good".
Think I'll go pack now!
(0) The Signup Sheet
the word was delivered at:
.........................Hmm-OK. Imagine yourself floating down a stream..
a stream of consciousness..
of cool clear consciousness and..
Oh crap!
Crap! Crap! Crap!
I don't have anything prepared!! Really!! I have no idea.. not a clue what my next sentence will be. Perhaps there will be a pregnant pause. Or an awkward silence. A sudden need to clear my throat.. to buy some time.. to collect my thoughts.
Then spew em out with nervous stutter and reiteration.
Or something like that.
Oh the fire and brimstone of being unprepared.
Ah.. here comes the sermon. I hear you saying to yourself. And you know I probably could run with that. Make something outa it. Or whip up something else just as easily. No really!
Something like… Ahh! OK.
Unpreparedness though not a sin, is most certainly a failing. But of course the character of the human race is worm holed with failings. That's why we have religion. And blah.. Blah.. Blah.
I mean it's not that I've run outa flaws to point out and rag upon. Finding a topic will never be the problem. But frankly.. sometimes.. finding a reason to care is!
And not caring.. well now that is a sin!
Preacher.. heal thyself.
And so that's what I intend to do.
I am taking a little retreat. Just for a week. I'm hoping to find someone to fill in for me.. it's just one Sunday. Open pulpit! Think of it as one of those reality based shows we all love so much.
Something like.. "The Calling"
Yeah! "Do You Have.. The Calling?"
Hey.. this may be your 15 minutes of fame folks. Don't let it pass ya by. Hell maybe even the Big Guy himself will take notice!! Ya never know!
And if that's not enough here's some more inspiration for ya.. If nobody submits anything Joe said he'd get drunk and.. now let me get this exactly right.. he'd get drunk and "throw up something good".
Think I'll go pack now!
(0) The Signup Sheet
the word was delivered at:
Sunday, January 04, 2004
Today's Sermon: Holidazed and Confused?
It looks like everybody made it past the check points alright. Nobody was hit with any stray "celebration" bullets I trust. And I didn't hear about any alcohol related poisonings. Yep! So far, So good. And only 361 more days to go.
Reminds me of those signs you see on hazardous job sights. You know the ones that say "60 days without an accident".
So on that note I'd like to wish everyone a happy & healthy New Year right off the bat.. because you know that's a long time to go without any shit hitting the fan!
I mean.. New Year's day. So what. It's just one more day in a string of days that make up a life. Yet somewhere along the way certain days somehow acquired more meaning than others. Certain days were designated to make us feel a certain way. Christmas as the time of joy and happiness. Memorial Day as the day of solemn reflection. And of course the 4th of July when we must muster our pride.
Days of designated emotions.. all of em.
So is to be sad at Christmas a sin? Or to have no pride on the 4th a crime? If you don't have the designated feeling of the holiday.. is there something wrong with you?
Well.. maybe. But not necessarily.
"Holidays" (at least here in the states) should be a registered trademark for a series of mass produced and mass marketed emotionally themed days for the emotionally messed masses. Which is fine. Except one size does not always fit all.
Because someone does not display the emotion-de-jour does not mean they're incapable of feeling.
As we travel through life we develop our own special days. It usually starts with birthdays (which are somewhat on "the holiday cusp"). But then they become much more self tailored.. Like a wedding anniversary. Or individualized.. like a "first fuck" or "the last fuck" even.
Sometimes we choose these dates. Sometimes, for instance as with death, they choose us. But whatever the occasion.. these are the days that become truly special to us (and perhaps to a small number of others). These are the days we've developed feelings for.. or against.
And in the inevitable end.. these are the days that will flash before us.
Now.. if we could only get em to be paid time off..!!!
But enough with this morbid sermonizing!
I wanna make a quick announcement then I'll be throwin ya all outa here cause the Packers are playing the Seahawks in the playoffs and I gots money on the game! And hopefully this will be one of those "red letter" days for me!!!
You may have noticed that some of the holy icons are gone from the church walls.. as the online company that they were linked to has discontinued it's free service. Graciously one of our members has offered the use of her own personal web space. So I'd like to take this opportunity to say "Thank you" to our benefactor and to apologize to the rest of the congregation for the starkness. But we do hope to have the place looking spiffy again real soon.
And now.. Are you ready for some football???
(0) The Signup Sheet
the word was delivered at:
.........................It looks like everybody made it past the check points alright. Nobody was hit with any stray "celebration" bullets I trust. And I didn't hear about any alcohol related poisonings. Yep! So far, So good. And only 361 more days to go.
Reminds me of those signs you see on hazardous job sights. You know the ones that say "60 days without an accident".
So on that note I'd like to wish everyone a happy & healthy New Year right off the bat.. because you know that's a long time to go without any shit hitting the fan!
I mean.. New Year's day. So what. It's just one more day in a string of days that make up a life. Yet somewhere along the way certain days somehow acquired more meaning than others. Certain days were designated to make us feel a certain way. Christmas as the time of joy and happiness. Memorial Day as the day of solemn reflection. And of course the 4th of July when we must muster our pride.
Days of designated emotions.. all of em.
So is to be sad at Christmas a sin? Or to have no pride on the 4th a crime? If you don't have the designated feeling of the holiday.. is there something wrong with you?
Well.. maybe. But not necessarily.
"Holidays" (at least here in the states) should be a registered trademark for a series of mass produced and mass marketed emotionally themed days for the emotionally messed masses. Which is fine. Except one size does not always fit all.
Because someone does not display the emotion-de-jour does not mean they're incapable of feeling.
As we travel through life we develop our own special days. It usually starts with birthdays (which are somewhat on "the holiday cusp"). But then they become much more self tailored.. Like a wedding anniversary. Or individualized.. like a "first fuck" or "the last fuck" even.
Sometimes we choose these dates. Sometimes, for instance as with death, they choose us. But whatever the occasion.. these are the days that become truly special to us (and perhaps to a small number of others). These are the days we've developed feelings for.. or against.
And in the inevitable end.. these are the days that will flash before us.
Now.. if we could only get em to be paid time off..!!!
But enough with this morbid sermonizing!
I wanna make a quick announcement then I'll be throwin ya all outa here cause the Packers are playing the Seahawks in the playoffs and I gots money on the game! And hopefully this will be one of those "red letter" days for me!!!
You may have noticed that some of the holy icons are gone from the church walls.. as the online company that they were linked to has discontinued it's free service. Graciously one of our members has offered the use of her own personal web space. So I'd like to take this opportunity to say "Thank you" to our benefactor and to apologize to the rest of the congregation for the starkness. But we do hope to have the place looking spiffy again real soon.
And now.. Are you ready for some football???
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the word was delivered at:
